Through a Screen Darkly (May 3, 2015)

 

I was at a family wedding recently, sitting near the back of the chapel, and in front of me was a sea of glowing screens. It seemed like every person in the place was watching the wedding ceremony through a screen. They have become so ubiquitous in our culture, it’s amazing to remember that the iPhone is only a few years old. When my son was born 13 years ago we got our first cell phone “for emergencies.” And our first digital camera. (These were two separate objects of course.) I never suspected then how profoundly this rapidly evolving technology would change our lives. It has changed not only how we communicate with one another, but how we shop, how we play games, how we watch movies, how we listen to music, how we interact with other people in the room with us, and apparently… how we celebrate a wedding ceremony.

When technology is rushing ahead at such a pace, it may take our human-ness a while to catch up. It’s such a relief to have a gps when you are lost, to have a cell phone when you’ve lost your family in a crowd. I can’t tell you how much easier it is to research sermons now that all the information in the world seems to be available at my fingertips. But when I saw that phone commercial we just watched together, I felt like that summed up everything that was troubling me about our personal screens. All those beautiful places, all those wonderful moments...and between the human being and the living world was always a screen. I began to wonder- how can we develop a healthy balanced relationship to our screens? As a faith community, and as individuals, can we develop a response to the cultural messages that the latest phone or tablet or phablet (or whatever) is always necessary, always central to what we need and want? I think there are 3 basic questions that can guide us to a balanced, healthy relationship to our seductively brilliant technology.

The first question we can ask ourselves: “ is my screen coming between me and this moment?” The reason I was so surprised to see all those phones glowing during the wedding was because I believe when we gather in worship we are creating a living moment together that cannot be captured or duplicated. That wedding was an important event in the life of my family, one we all wanted to remember forever. But I wondered, are we losing something of our lived experience in the moment to create a digital record of that experience?

Psychologist Linda Henkel, who researches human memory at Fairfield University in Connecticut, has found what she called a "photo-taking impairment effect." In her study, she asked students to take photos of statues and other artworks at a museum and afterward found that:

"The objects that they had taken photos of — they actually remembered fewer of them, and remembered fewer details about those objects. Like, how was this statue's hands positioned, or what was this statue wearing on its head. They remembered fewer of the details if they took photos of them, rather than if they had just looked at them," 

Henkel concluded “relying on an external memory aid means you subconsciously count on the camera to remember the details for you.”[i]

Psychologist Marion Garry (a professor at Victoria University in Wellington NZ)[ii] has also been studying the impact of the relationship between photography and memory. She is troubled by parents who take thousands of photos of their children (and I assure you I am one of those parents)

"I think the problem is people are giving away being in the moment" …"and their devices are only going to capture so much...I wish they'd put their camera down and just watch what was happening. It's the idea that they think what they are doing is amplifying their memory, and I worry that what they are doing is just giving the memory away. So if they are paying less attention because what they've got to do is take all those photos. They are splitting their attention between what's going on and the act of taking the picture… It seems to me to be a kind of loss." [1:59]

Garry also noticed that having thousands of photos seemed to reduce the occurrence of a parent and child sitting and looking at a single photo together and telling the story together of that shared memory (which, it turns out, is an important skill that is transmitted from parent to child) . Better, she says, is to have just a couple of photos that we share with our children and one another. Often that one photo can be a jumping off point for many shared memories.



The second question is similar- is this screen coming between myself and others? Our cultural expectations vary widely around this. I remember telling a neighbor that I usually put my phone away when I was in meetings so that I could be fully present. He said at his company it was expected that you always have your phone out checking your e-mail and messages in case a customer needed you. Their company culture emphasized the need to multi-task to maximize productivity.

Sometimes screens bring us together, sometimes they keep us apart. I’ve seen young people clustered around a DS screen fully engaged together in a shared experience. On the other hand, I bet we’ve all experienced a time when a friend or family member is starting at their screen and you can’t seem to get their full attention.

A study in the journal of Environment and Medicine looked at this phenomenon which they call “The iPhone Effect: The Quality of In-Person Social Interactions in the Presence of Mobile Devices[iii] During the study a research assistant would observe subjects having a conversation at a coffee shop and “during the course of a 10-min conversation noting whether either participant placed a mobile device on the table or held it in his or her hand.” When the data was gathered together they found that people whose phones stayed out of site during the conversation felt more empathy for one another.

Shalini Misra of Virginia Tech University, who led the study, writes:

“Even without active use, the presence of mobile technologies has the potential to divert individuals from face-to-face exchanges, thereby undermining the character and depth of these connections. Individuals are more likely to miss subtle cues, facial expressions, and changes in the tone of their conversation partner’s voice, and have less eye contact.”[iv]
“If either participant placed a mobile communication device on the table, or held it in their hand, during the course of the 10-minute conversation, the quality of the conversation was rated to be less fulfilling, compared with conversations that took place in the absence of mobile devices,” the researchers report.[v]

The message is clear, while our technology can bring us together in many ways, helping old friends reconnect on Facebook, or grandparents skyping their grandchildren from far away, if we are trying to build relationships, it’s best to leave mobile devices out of site. If the conversation is one you care about, putting your screens away is likely to make the conversation more fulfilling.

Now our third question: “is my screen coming between me and my Self?” This is what Louis CK was getting at in our opening reading. He contends that “you need to build an ability to just be yourself and not be doing something-- that's what the phones are taking away.” Here is this popular comedian saying essentially the same thing on a late night talk show that my classmates and I heard at on the first seminary of Spiritual Director’s training; contemplation is that ability to just be and not do, and then to allow whatever arises to just arise. Sometimes that is profound sadness, or loneliness, or despair, and sometimes it is peace, or delight, or a sense of oneness with all that is. Contemplation requires space and time and patience, and when we fill up all the empty gaps in our life there is no room left to develop the relationship to the deepest parts of ourselves. 

I have this habit- if I am out at dinner with my husband and he gets up to wash his hands, immediately my phone comes out. Sending a quick text to a friend helps it feel less awkward to be alone, and it helps fill up that brief gap in conversation while he is gone. Louis’ monologue hints that there may be something else going on there- why do I want to distract myself from the fact that I’m alone? What if instead I used that brief pause to re-center myself in myself? What if I used that brief gap to just enjoy the environment around me? And if that feels weird-why? Jungian Spiritual Director Don Bisson says “Technology has quickened our expectations creating an inability to wait”. His theory is that because almost everything we seek on our screens happens in an instant, we have become less practiced, less comfortable with waiting. Instead of welcoming moments of quiet introspection, we fend them off with a quick look at Facebook. 

Our screens provide innovative ways to get and share information, to reach out to our friends and family across the world. But I haven’t yet seen them provide a way to ground ourselves in our own center. I have never stood up after an hour spent reading my Facebook newsfeed or surfing the web saying “that was refreshing, now I really feel centered and spiritually grounded.” Instead I usually feel scattered and wonder where the time went. 

All our technological marvels are ultimately just tools. Even the iPhone 6. Like a well sharpened knife, a good tool helps us do our work more effectively. Some of these devices can do an amazing number of things, but no tool can do everything. It is not the job of our i-thingies, or even of the Apple Corporation to discern how and when technology is best used. It is up to you, in dialogue with your family, with your community, with your ecosystem, to create a healthy balance. 

I’m reminded of that passage from 1st Corinthians:[vi] “For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known.” Obviously when the apostle Paul wrote this he could never have foreseen a culture full of people viewing the world through their smart phones, but the first century Christians to whom Paul wrote understood that when they looked through their first century glass it was not the same as looking at something face to face. He was reminding his followers that often we see the world in a superficial way, but we are capable seeing the truth more deeply, more fully, “face to face.” This traditional wisdom holds true in our drastically transformed times. The religious way, the deep way encourages us to look at the world face to face, to know as we are known. Remember, the first source of our UU religious tradition is “Direct Experience of that transcending mystery and wonder.” Even the adorable photo of our grandchild that gets 1000 likes on Facebook cannot compare to the experience of holding that little person in our arms. In this age of technological wonders, we must constantly discern: when is this shiny marvelous screen bringing me deeper into connection with myself, with others, and with this moment, and when is it time to put all our screens away, and just be.

Endnote

[i] You can find Henkle’s full study here http://pss.sagepub.com/content/early/2013/12/04/0956797613504438.abstract

[ii] Study that we don't remember things that we take notes or photos of as well http://www.npr.org/2014/05/22/314592247/overexposed-camera-phones-could-be-washing-out-our-memorieS 

[iii] The iPhone Effect: The Quality of In-Person Social Interactions in the Presence of Mobile Devices
http://eab.sagepub.com/content/early/2014/05/31/0013916514539755.abstract

[v] http://www.psmag.com/navigation/nature-and-technology/presence-smart-phone-lowers-quality-person-conversations-85805/

[vi] 1 Corinthians 13:12King James Version (KJV)

 

First Things First (January 13, 2013)

Do you ever have one of those days where as it comes to a close you wonder, “where has the day gone? I worked so hard all day, why does it seem like nothing got done?”  Other days, especially in the dark of winter, it is common to become so overwhelmed by life that we can hardly do anything at all.  Our lives push and pull at us, flowing in their own meandering way and we wonder – is this the life I meant to live?  Perhaps this is why these lyrics by David Byrne of the Talking Heads have spoken to so many of us:

You may find yourself living in a shotgun shack
You may find yourself in another part of the world
You may find yourself behind the wheel of a large automobile
You may find yourself in a beautiful house with a beautiful wife
You may ask yourself, well, how did I get here?

Life is the eternal balancing of our intentions and plans with life’s  surprises and powerful forces beyond our control—forces as large as a tidal wave, as small as a newborn that won’t nap. And whether you find yourself in a shotgun shack or behind the wheel of a large automobile, our intentions do matter.

When I was just starting my first full time ministry and also becoming a new mom, I realized that time management was going to be really important. I took a seminar called “First things First” from the folks at Franklin Covey. Stephen Covey died this summer, and I wanted to recognize him because he was one of the first teachers of time management who included values and principles in his teaching about how to get things done. Covey noticed that we often fall into doing whatever  is most urgent. We can easily spend our days greasing the squeakiest wheel. Instead, we can live the life we intend to live, we can choose to do what is really important to us and to our world.  The first question, then, is what comes first in your life?

We will start by asking, when you imagine your life, who do you want to be? Maybe you imagine “I always wanted to live an ethical life” or “I want to have a lot of good friends” or “I want to always be learning new things.” Our vision of our life shows us what is important to us, what our values are. Values are not just the  noble things, they are everything that comes into play when we make decisions --when we have to choose one thing over another.  Good food is a value. Beauty, art, fun, logic, silence, freedom of thought, responsibility, fame, wealth.   From the noble, to the selfish to the silly, what we value shapes our life. Take a moment or two now to silently make a list for yourself of the things you value, from the sublime to the ordinary.  [pause for reflection]

Now the problem with that list, is that not everything we love, if pursued with great consistency and strength of will, helps us become a better, more spiritually satisfied people. If “good food” is at the top of your list, and pursued with a singleness of purpose, we all know that is not going to turn out well. But if we approach a passion for good food with principle, it can absolutely be part of a well- rounded, ethical, enjoyable life.  Fortunately, we already have a very nice list of  principles right at the beginning of our hymnal- our UU principles. Unitarian Universalists believe in each person’s capacity to know what is right- to use their conscience to create a life of meaning for themselves and to live with justice, equity and compassion towards a goal of peace liberty and justice for all. So let’s take another moment, and consider how our principles might be lived out in those values you listed a moment ago [pause].

To help us round out our sense of what is important, Covey explains that one of the most important things for us to do every year, every week, is what he calls “Sharpening the saw” He reminds us that we are more effective in our work, more effective in being the people we want to be, if we consistently take time to care for our priary tool- our self. He divides the self into 4 areas: Mental, (our capacity to learn new things and grow throughout our lives) spiritual (our sense of direction and purpose, our sense of inner peace, our sense of being part of something larger than ourselves), physical (which includes not only care of our body, but all our physical needs, like our home and our finances) and social (the depth and health of all our relationships, that web of which we are a part).  Covey also lifts up what  he calls “the fire within” which is our sense of passion and aliveness. So let’s take a moment now to think about each of those 5 areas of our life, and to ask: what parts of our saw are keen, and which parts have grown dull?  Mental… Spiritual… Physical… Social… the fire within…

[pause]

Covey noticed that while our relationships are very important to the quality of our life and work, we don’t always give growing and tending our relationships the time they need. We have to be very intentional to make sure our relationships are given a place of prominence  in the coming year. So now I’d like you to think about  up to 6 roles we have in our life, say “sister” or “mom” or “counselor” or “science student” or “church member” and for each role thing about what would be the most important thing you could do. It might be concrete, like “help my daughter with her math homework” or more abstract like “be more fully present when I am hanging out with my friends.” And remember the importance of the “fire within” if the thing you come up with first makes you want to take a nap, try again, what would not only feed your relationships but would kindle that inner fire [pause]

Covey suggests that whereas most time management plans are based on the clock, what we really is a compass. All those things you’ve got written on your paper or listed in your mind right now, those are your compass. But as much as I love lists, I know that what you need in the middle of a confusing day is not a list, but something much simpler.  I would like for us to hone all these values, principles and relationships into a compass for this coming year. So we must ask ourselves, of all those important things, which is the most important thing? I submit to you that while we can do many things over the course of our lives, on any given day we can only have 1 or at most 2 most important things. Look over all those things, and decide, what is the most important thing or 2 for this coming year? Hopefully it will something that is in line with the principles and values you cherish, and deepens your relationships with yourself or others. Most importantly it should make you feel excited, it should give you energy. [pause]

I’m going to bring our time of reflection to a close, but maybe you aren’t ready yet.  Maybe it will take a few days of thinking and pondering, but whenever you are ready to commit to a single intention, it can become like a touch stone that you carry around with you throughout the year. You don’t have to have a plan for exactly how you will manifest this intention, but you can meditate on it, and keep an eye out for it as you go through your days. You might even pick an object that reminds you of this intention and put it in your pocket, or on your nightstand to serve as a reminder. When I came to the realization that I wanted to make environmental justice a touch stone in my life,  I had no idea what that could look like.  I was amazed that once I clarified my intention, once I started looking for it, being open to it, opportunities were all around me. If I had never clarified my intention, I never would have noticed all those opportunities.

Once you have clarified your intentions, your priorities now, finally, you can put first things first -- I mean literally first.  That way, no matter how the days flow by, whatever you claim for yourself as the most important will get your first, best energy. My trainer told us about an executive who decided that before he answered his e-mail, before he took any calls he would make $40,000 in sales, and then could begin his day.  

One of the most important things in my life is preaching for you and for my congregation in Athens. So on my sermon writing days, when I am freshly showered I take a cup of steaming hot coffee up to my study to write. I try not to open my e-mail or Facebook or even to look at that pile of assorted nonsense on my desk until I have done a real chunk of writing. Some days this is hard because there are so many other things, also important, clamoring for attention. One day last month I had 3 things to do before I drove down to Athens to teach a class in the evening.  One was a sermon, the other was to prepare for my class that night, and the third was to run some packages to the post office. I REALLY wanted to dash out and mail those packages, because I was humming with that sense of Holiday Urgency that is so infectous, but I remembered the importance of putting first things first, and so I got my sermon and my class prep done before heading out to do my errands. And Just as I was finishing up I got a call from the school nurse “You might want to come get your son” she said “he doesn’t feel too well.” Now… my son was first. So up I leapt, with  time enough to get my son at the school, fix him some hot tea, get him tucked in. I called his dad came home from work and watch over him and went to teach my class.  

As we enter 2013, some would say a whole new era, I encourage you to take time to figure out what things are most important to you: what things will bring your life into balance, will manifest your values and principles, will kindle your inner light, will bring you into right relationship with yourself and with the world. And then, put your mind, spirit, physical resources and relationships behind it. Put the first things first, and then no matter what else may come, your life will be grounded in that which is really important. Plant your intentions like seeds, tend them like a farmer, and may your garden grow.